“You’ve been invited to a party, sweetie? That’s wonderful! Is it at that blonde girl’s house, what’s her name? Jessica? Jennifer? No wait… that’s not right”

 

I didn’t respond. It’s not like I had any opportunity to anyways with mom running her mouth like that. Even though I was 17 this year she still treated me like a child.

 

While she tried her best to figure out the name of whatever blonde girl she was thinking of, I took another look at the text I’d just received. It wasn’t exactly an invitation per se. More like an invitation to crash a party. It said:

 

“Heard the Green brothers are having a party on Saturday. I think I can get us in =p You game?”

 

It was from Jason. I wouldn’t call him a friend, but at least friendly. He was my lab partner in school so he was more or less forced to talk to me. On occasion he talked to me outside of class as well. And sometimes, like right now, he sent texts. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why the hell he would ‘invite’ me to a party. He had friends.

 

“Well?”

 

My mom stared intently at me so I guessed I’d missed a question.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Where is it? The party?”

 

“Oh, it’s no one you know mom. Besides, I don’t know if I’m going…”

 

My mom looked at me with an expression I really can’t explain. I’ve seen it a lot of times before; it’s like a mix of pity and sadness while trying to keep a straight face at the same time. It looks kind of ridiculous.

 

“Honey, it’ll be a chance to meet new friends. I’m sure people are more forthcoming at a party than in school. Don’t you agree?”

 

I knew it didn’t matter what I said at this point because she wouldn’t listen to me anyways. She does it all the time. Her philosophy is you can do anything you want as long you put your mind to it. I admire her for it but I don’t agree.

 

It’s not like I haven’t tried to make friends. It’s just that people don’t tend to take a shine to me. I don’t know why that is but I’ve learned to deal with it. My mom, however, hasn’t.

 

“Yeah, I guess…” I said without any real conviction.

 

My mom seemed to be satisfied though because that weird expression disappeared and was replaced with a big smile.

 

“Oh, I’m so happy for you, sweetie. What are you gonna wear?”

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The party had already started by the time I got there. We had intentionally decided to arrive a bit late so that no one would realize we didn’t “fit in”. Besides, chances were that people already started to get drunk and wouldn’t notice us sneaking in.

 

“You ready for this?” Jason asked.

 

He was standing next to me, looking up at the house. If life had been a cartoon, his eyes would have been sparkling by now. Unlike me, he was actually excited about this.

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be”

 

Jason just grinned at me and went around the house towards the patio located on the back. The garden surrounding the patio was guarded by a pretty intimidating hedge. That didn’t seem to stop Jason though. Before I even had time to hesitate he dragged med through the hedge with no concern for my clothes or my hair that I had spent a decent amount of time to fix. Afraid that I might poke my eye out on any branch happening to stick out I had my eyes closed so tight I started to see fireworks. I didn’t open them until I heard Jason.

 

“Don’t just stand there, it looks suspicious. Mingle, dammit! Blend in!”

 

I opened my eyes and immediately saw Jason sneaking up the patio and within seconds he was going through the door and was gone. Great! I was now a lonely intruder with a ruined hair due. The night was off to a good start so far.

 

Taking Jason’s advice I moved away from the hedge and tried to find a window. The closest one was the ones facing the living room from the patio. I tried not to look so out of place and eased my way there. It was hard to see my reflection since the light from inside was shining pretty bright.

 

Inside the living room the party was a fact. Even if I had been deaf I would’ve felt the rhythm of the music trough the floor. Even the window I was using as a mirror was shaking. That didn’t seem to bother the people inside. They were dancing, laughing, drinking and talking (how that was even possible). I can’t say I really recognized any of them. Sure, some faces looked somewhat familiar but no names came to mind.

 

I figured standing all alone on the patio just looking in through the window might give me a creep-stamp if someone noticed me so I went in through the door that Jason had left open. Just like I had predicted the music was loud. And I mean loud!

 

I let my eyes wander through the room, trying to find Jason. I soon found him halfway up the stairs talking up some blonde girl I vaguely recognized, but couldn’t place. Maybe that was the girl mom talked about.

 

Everywhere I looked people were standing in groups. I figured I had to at least make an honest try. I picked one group of girls that didn’t look to intimidating and went up to them. As I got closer I heard they were talking about, what I guessed, was a teacher.

 

“He is totally unfair. His standards are through the roof, no one can get an A in his class” said one of the girls, with a goth-look.

 

Her friend replied:

 

“I know, he’s such an ass. But it’s okay; I skip most of his classes anyway”

 

And then they all laughed. Trying to join in on the conversation I moved closer and laughed along with them. Like a bloodhound picking up a trace in the woods these girls picked up my laugh. The first girl turned to me and gave me “The Look”. I’d seen that look so many times before. It said: “Who the fuck are you and why am I wasting my time on you?“.

 

“Yes? Can I help you?”

 

The girl didn’t look away from me for one second, I don’t even think she blinked.

 

Like so many times before I felt out of place and awkward. I didn’t even know why I kept putting myself into these kinds of situations. I wasn’t a party girl. Not even a social person at all, obviously. And I don’t care what mom says, people don’t become friendlier in a more “informal” situation. These people didn’t give a fuck about me in school and they sure as hell didn’t give a fuck about me now either.

 

I mumbled some excuse to the girl and got out of their sight as fast as I could. I could feel the heat on my face, blushing. Even though the room was crowded I’d never felt so alone in my life. I felt so defeated, so minimized, so worthless.

 

Needless to say my party mood was long gone and I decided to just go home. I decided to take the same way I had arrived, through the hedge. I didn’t really feel like meeting anyone. Especially not since I could feel that familiar burn behind my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for someone in this place to see me cry my eyes out like a little baby.

 

It wasn’t a long walk home but it felt like an eternity. I couldn’t help to ask myself if it was something wrong with me or if I just had bad luck with the people I tried to socialize with. Could I really be that horrible?

 

Not wanting to confront my mom I sneaked in through the front door, closing it ever so lightly. Unfortunately my mom is blessed with super hearing and came rushing into the hallway.

 

“Why are you home so early?”

 

“I’m not feeling so well” I said, trying my best not to let those tears emerge. “I’m gonna go to bed”

 

I rushed up the stairs before she could ask me anymore questions. I continued down the hall to my room and locked the door as soon as I got in. I could hear my mom’s footsteps coming towards my door. I sat down on the floor and waited for what I knew would come. Two seconds later there was a soft knock on the door and I heard my mom.

 

“What did you do this time, sweetie?”

 

Well, I guess that answers the question then. It is me. I can’t for the life of me make friends. Guess I’m doomed to a life of loneliness.

 

Let’s hope I’ll become filthy rich or something…